25 February 2019

There’s not much happen to my life today, but I’ll probably never forget this day cause this is the day when I finally take my pants off, putting my glasses on, feeling sexy, and not giving a single fuck!

A big truck of ideas hit my small brain and crushed it into cramps. Leaving me realize how stupid and reckless I’ve been.

Shit happens, and they made me weak. I was distracted too far and I was out of focus. Wasting too many times to cry, to missing and thinking about everyone and even debating about options and possibility: will I finally meet the one?

I think I’m in love when I’m not even drunk. And I let myself believe that I need saving. All I did was trying to jump from a branch into other branches. I ignored the idea of digging the soil and grow myself a big strong tree.

I even questioned myself: is this a mistake? When the answer is clear: FUCK, YES, IT IS!

Why? Cause I forget all of my dreams, goals and plans and hoping that someone will do that for me instead. I was such a weak ass stupid little bitch!

*literally punching myself in the face while writing this*

NOW WHAT?

Now, I take a sit, drinking my coffee, light up a cigarette (damn, it’s good!), playing a non romantic song about pirates, robots, and missing crystal. I feel pretty much myself again. Not fully human. Part of alien, fairy, candy, or even a ketchup bottle who indeed have a heart but not planning to use it too much.

Yeah, it’s fun. Yeah, it’s okay to be bad. Yeah, be the villain cause life is not fair and this is the fucked up world. I should take nothing too seriously. Words, promises, hopes, loves, boys.

Only me can save me. Only me can protect my fragile heart. Only me can make the 6 year old me feel proud. And oh, what was my dream again? Be the star, not the moon that desperate for lights from other sources.

I’m sorry I fucked up. I was stupid, I know. Let’s start over again!

One more thing: never be completely honest. Human can be unbelievably evil.